WHEN YOU’RE HOME 24/7

December 27 to present. It’s been three weeks since I had the taste of beating the time for my log-in and counting minutes and hours waiting for the end my shift. Now, I get the feel of what they call “full time mom.”

For 15 years that I have worked, never was there a long-term vacation. The longest of which was the 2-week Christmas break. Three weeks is like three years when you’re home. You could feel the movement of the second hand of the clock; you could watch all TV programs from sun-up till sun-down; you see vehicles passing, and at the very least be able to count them (^_^); you get to know the names of your neighbors who also stay home; you’re able to visit the sari-sari stores and buy yourself something to keep you awake and alive; you wash dishes, clean the house, feed the dog and bathe him, wash and iron the clothes, cook – from breakfast to dinner- for your kids and hubby; and lastly, bade them goodbye when they go to school or work and watch the clock every now and then to see what time they’ll be home.

I have come to realize the value of time and patience.

But on the other hand, greater is the happiness and fulfillment brought by staying home and working as full time mom. I personally take care of my three-month old son, which I failed to do in my first three kids when they were still babies.

House was topsy-turvy when I was still working. Stuffs were placed anywhere that no one could recall locations when things were needed. Now that I am home, I make it a point to organize things. I know what my kids are into when they start watching TV.

Tell you, we’re all gathered up in front of our overly used LCD TV at 6:45 P.M. every day and at 5:00 P.M. every Saturday to watch Willing Willie and at 8:00 P.M. , Channel 7, the fantaserye - -Dwarfina.

There is one thing though that I lose track off when I am home – the DATE. I’ll just be reminded when I receive my bills. Oh, it’s paying time!

Sometimes, frustration creeps because I miss the old work, the job. If the others are working, why am I home? But as I look at the brighter side of life, it is then that I would realize that I get to enjoy a lot of things which others do not. Let me just cite a few:
a. It’s a vacation and a rest for me. I get to enjoy the results of my stinginess. I have saved some pennies and dimes when I was still working so I’ll have a thread to pull in case I need finances. NOW IS THE TIME! ^_^
b. No pressures!!!
c. I could attend to my kids’ needs. Do things for them.
d. I’ll be able to enjoy the moments with my 3-month old baby.
e. I could cook for them and do other household chores.
f. My house is no longer chaotic. Things are slowly being put into proper places.
g. Kids are doing their assignments religiously.
h. I could eat anytime, that’s why I am really GROWING!
i. I could be online 24/7. Yehey!!

Few months from now, I will again face another battleground. My respite from the academe will provide me the renewed strength and enthusiasm so I’ll be able to provide quality teaching to my new students regardless of how they look, how they smell, where they live, and what they know.

Though I am not a productive tax-paying citizen now, at least I get to experience the luxury of time, the freedom from deadlines, the happiness of being with my kids and my hubby. Those things are non-compensable.

My kids will only be young once. Sooner they will grow and live on their own. Who knows, they might not have the time for me when that comes.

So, let me give them the time and the attention while they still need it.

Let me enjoy the bliss of motherhood.

PARA KAY NANAY ( Ode to my Mom)

Hindi biro ang mag dala ng bata sa sinapupunan ng siyam na buwan..
Inalagaan ko ang aking sarili sapagkat sa akin nakasalalay ang buhay mo.
Makalipas ang mga buwan, malalagay ang isang paa ko sa hukay
Darating na ang araw na ang sanggol na iniingatan, IKAW yun, ay akin nang iluluwal.

Aarugain KITA sa lahat ng aking makakaya at sa lahat ng aking lakas
Hindi ko alintana ang dibdib na papangit sapagkat alam kong kelangan MO ng gatas ng ina
Ang gabi-gabing pagpupuyat sa paghehele, pagkanta, pagsayaw, minsan paghahalu-haluin ko pa
Minsan din yukyuk na ulo sa antok kasi ayaw naman ayaw MO pang matulog..

Ang panandalian nating paghihiwalay dahil sa ako’y nasa trabaho ay malaking bigat sa dibdib ko
Mahirap mawalay kahit sandali dahil hindi ko makikita ang iyong mumunting pagtawa, ang pag ngiti mo,
Pag uwi ko, gusto ko’y kalong ka agad, akap, titignan ang mukhang nakakapalis ng pagod
Hahagudin ang iyong pisnging kay lambot, matang kay lamlam.. gutom ko ay akin nang limot..

Sa mga panahon na ikaw ay may sakit, nais koy umiyak at akuin ang iyong nararamdaman
Hindi bale ng ako na lang, wag lang ikaw. Hindi ko kayang makita kang nahihirapan.
Babantayan kita sa iyong pagtulog. Hindi bale ng ako’y mapuyat
Gusto ko lamang ay ligtas ka, makakatulog ka ng tahimik at sapat.

Sa iyong paglaki, madami ka nang makakasalamuha, makikita, maririnig, malalaman.
Tangi ko lamang dasal, gabayan ka ng Diyos araw-araw, ika’y ingatan at huwag kang masaktan
Hindi mo man nais na nandiyan ako lagi sa iyong tabi sapagkat sabi mo ay MALAKI KA NA
Dala-dala mo ang puso ko, ang pag-aalala sa tuwing aalis ka, lalabas, kasama ang iba.

Sa bawat dagok na darating sa iyong buhay, bukod sa iyo, ako ang mas masasaktan
Sapagkat ikaw ay galing sa akin, laman ng aking laman, nabuo ka sa aking pagmamahal
Sa bawat agos ng luha sa iyong malamlam na mata ay parang tinatarakan ang puso ko
Hindi ko kayang makita na ikaw na iningatan ko ay paiiyakin lamang ng iba.

Ang pag-aaral mo ay igagapang ko. Maghirap man ako ay magtatapos ka sa kolehiyo.
Lahat ng pinagpapaguran ko ay para sa iyo, para sa kinabukasan mo.
Nais kong bago ako lumisan sa mundong ito, mapanatag ang loob ko
Na ang anak na iiwan ko, makakatayo sa sariling paa, may mapapatunayan sa tao.


Hindi mo man sabihin palagi na mahal mo ako, sapat ng minsan ay inaakap mo ako
Hindi mo man maalala ang regalo ko sa kaarawan ko, sapat ng sa aking batiin mo ako.
Hindi mo man ako alagaan sa panahon na ako ay may karamdaman, sapat ng bilhan ako ng gamot.
Hindi mo man ako tulungan sa gawaing bahay, sapat ng makita kitang huwag napapagod.

Huwag nating isantabi lamang ang ating INA.
Iba ang papel na ginagampanan niya sa buhay natin
Magagalit ang mundo, ang lahat ng tao sa ginawa mo
ANG INA ang matitirang kakampi mo, nandiyan sa tabi mo.

Habang nandiyan, habang nabubuhay pa, iparadam mo sa kanya
Mahalin mo siya at magpasalamat ka
Kung hindi ka niya inaruga at iningatan
Makikita mo ba ngayon ang mundong iyong ginagalawan?

Ganyan ang pagmamahal ng isang ina..
Wag kang maging bulag, pipi, at bingi sa paghihirap nya.
Balang araw kukunin siya ng Diyos at ilalayo sa iyo
Tanong: HANDA KA BANG WALA SIYA SA PILING MO?

Ako ay isang Ina..
Pumanaw naman na ang aking INA.
Hindi man sabihin, ang pagmamahal ko sa aking mga anak
Isang patunay na naging mabuti siyang Ina at napakagandang halimbawa.

Para sa iyo ito Nanay, Gng. TERESITA DALERE-MANABAT.
Isang mabait at matiising asawa, isang masipag at dedikadong guro,
Higit sa lahat
Isang napakabuting Ina...

DAUGHTER'S WOE

Mothers they say are the greatest of all creations; through them sprung life… and more life… Without them, mankind has long been extinguished… long gone… perished.

But when mothers are stricken with the fangs of pain brought by an ailment, one could not keep her heart from weeping…seeing the source of her strength on bed, frail.

Tears rolled as I look into her sacrifices… I was nurtured with love and excitement for nine months in her womb. I felt part of her… I could not discount her effort of making me educated. The mornings of waking up, bringing me to wherever school she would be assigned. The hours of sweat and tiredness when she looked for me on my first time of leaving her because she scolded me.. She walked a mile trying to locate me…

Never a word when she saw me… Just embraces knowing that I was safe.
Her sleepless nights of waiting for me because I was with my friends… Later did I realize how I deprived her of sound sleep and rest…

I had been in the hospital too for numerous times brought by surgeries, illnesses, giving birth. I saw the sadness in her every time she would see me being carried to the operating room… But as I opened my eyes, her face I would see… then she would rub her hand on my forehead, then would fix my hair. Mother's touch...

During my failed relationships, she never hurled vindictive words… she was there to understand…

Tuberculosis meningitis with hydrocephalus… Blood clot in the basal skull…My mother does not deserve that. She never did us wrong… Why her?

God’s plan. Perhaps. Am I rationalizing?

I could not explain how painful it was seeing her in her worst condition. She would complain of head pain, would ask for food -- because she has not been given for days… How I wanted to sneak and buy her whatever food she would clamor. More than the scars left by my previous relationships, this is a torture… more agonizing…

This has taught me more lessons in life… that’s why I am sharing… Love your mother. Care for her while she is still capable of returning your hugs and embraces. Laugh with her while she can still throw back the pun. Buy her things you think she would like while she could still say thank you.

Regrets. How I wish I have never been that stubborn. Never hard headed. How I wish I had given her the life she wanted… A life not full of worries, tears, and fears.

It is difficult to give up things we hold dear on earth.. But I have to realize the truth… The truth that my mother would no longer be with us… That is the painful reality..

Pain is beautiful when one can rise from its debilitating power… I still cling to God… Sooner, sadness will all be over…